Davina Kotulski
Author
> BOND PROFILE
Marriage Equality USA has fought tirelessly for equal marriage rights in the USA. Many of the plaintiffs in the California suit against the same-sex marriage ban have been directly involved with Marriage Equality USA. Show them your support by logging on to their website at MarriageEquality.org
THE PSYCHOLOGY OF MARRIAGE
PHOTO NADIR
FULL MARRIAGE RIGHTS EQUALS FULL CITIZENSHIP
Many people ask me why we are so determined to win equal marriage rights instead of accepting some kind of legal alternative like civil unions. It’s simple, only marriage equality will grant same-sex couples access to hundreds of state rights and the 1,138 federal rights afforded straight married couples eliminating loopholes and inequities in one fell swoop. Moreover, marriage is a universally understood concept that crosses cultures and continents—some form of bringing two people and their families together to create a new family exists in every culture. Marriage is not just a word—it’s a whole cultural system of kinship networks that Gays and Lesbians are daily asked to acknowledge, while simultaneously being excluded from full participation themselves.
Married people live longer, have better mental and physical health, and are more financially and emotionally secure.
As E.J Graff once said “Marriage is a short-hand taken seriously by banks, insurers, courts, employers, schools, hospitals, cemeteries, rental car companies, frequent flyer programs, and more.” Marriage creates family from legal strangers and allows us to act on each other’s behalf (i.e. to use sick leave to care for one another, to inherit our shared property without a will, to make medical decisions for a partner, to file joint taxes, etc). Gay people need to have access to this shorthand just as much as their heterosexual counterparts to ensure that our family commitments are taken seriously as well. Until LGBT have access to full equality they will never be seen as part of the social fabric of “family.”
MARRIAGE TRANSFORMS
Marriage is an important rite of passage which also transforms the couple in a relationship. Each action taken in the preparation of a wedding weaves the couple and their respective extended families closer together, culminating in the ritualized letting go of their legal status of “single” and vowing to legally and emotionally care for one another despite unforeseen hardships to come. Marriage bonds a couple together as a testament of love, showing the primacy of this relationship as the most intimate chosen adult relationship. For same-sex couples, a marriage ceremony joyfully shares the love the partners have for one another in a context that is familiar to family members, friends, and co-workers and invites their support and recognition in ways that no other alternative ceremony provides.
Numerous studies have shown that married people live longer, have better mental and physical health, and are more financially and emotionally secure. Studies have also found tangible psychological harms experienced when LGBT people are denied the ability to marry. Helping secure the right of LGBT couples to marry in every country around the world will help to ensure that our entire community has access to having someone to legally share your life with, to emotionally comfort you in the bad times and celebrate with you in the good, and ensure the opportunity for everyone to experience the beneficial effects that come with civil marriage. BOND
Davina Kotulski, Ph.D. is a clinical psychologist and author of Why You Should Give a Damn About Gay Marriage. She was the former Executive Director of Marriage Equality USA and has been involved with the marriage equality movement since 1998. Visit her website at DavinaKotulski.com